One of the most vital qualities of a person in choosing one's friends is ''reliability''

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Those who have fear of Allah will be amid Gardens and Springs:

‘Enter them in peace, in complete security!’ (Surat al-Hijr, 45-46)

There are many characteristics to look for in a person with whom one will make friends and for whom one can  have respect. Sacrifice, sensibility, thoughtfulness, compassion, mercy, wisdom, awareness, probity, loyalty, faithfulness  to name but a few. Each one of these traits have their respective impact on the other person, and no doubt everyone wants to have a friend having all of these beautiful attributes. Nevertheless, sometimes the absence of any one of these traits can be simply ignored; after all, . a  beautiful characteristic of the person may make up for the absence of another attribute.

However the absence of some attributes may well be  unacceptable. Although a person may have many perfect attributes, the absence of one vital attribute prevents people from having a profound friendship with him. One of these vital attributes is “reliability.”

In the Qur’an Allah relates to us that those believers who are accepted to the Garden will first hear the words, “Enter there in peace, in complete security.” This indicates that what people primarily need is to be in a secure environment. For this reason, in the life of thisworld people naturally look for a place that will make themselves feel secure. The essential feature they seek when  selecting their houses, neighborhood, workplaces and schools is their being“secure” in all aspects. This inclination also holds true for choosing their friends.
 

Making friends with one another means to reveal one’s flaws, weaknesses, and foibles  honestly and openly to that person. Real friendship is to be intimate with that person and true to him. One hides nothing from his true friend, feels no need to take any measures against him, nor conceals his real thoughts from him. Consequently a person needs to inspire some solid confidence and never make the other party think, “What would he think if I do this?”, “Would he misunderstand me?” “Would he lose his love or respect for me if he learns about my flaws or weaknesses?” Once the two parties experience a conflict of interests, one of them must never have any doubts, or feel apprehension about the other one’s faithfulness. No matter what happens, and even if they remain apart for decades, the love and friendship they experience deep in their hearts must never fade away. What is told against a friend or the negative suggestions made about him must not negatively influence that person.

The establishment of such a solid confidence between two people can only be possible by having  “sincere fear of Allah and profound faith.” Otherwise it is impossible to have a real and solid friendship between two people. Loving one another, showing understanding and loyalty stem from the concern of keeping some joint interests alive. The slightest harm inflicted on these interests may also lead the disappearance of love, friendship and reliability.

However if two people establish their friendship on reliability stemming from sincere faith, they never experience this. A sincere friendship based on trust is one of the most important consolations  granted to people in the life of this world. It is a great blessing to feel oneself at ease and secure as if he is on his own when he is in the company of another person.

Considering all these facts, one needs to primarily think about being a person who inspires trust.
One of the most important attributes of a reliable person is his profound fear of Allah and his pure faith. He does not exchange the consent of Allah to any gain of this world. In order to earn Allah’s love and admiration, he does not show the slightest hesitation to encounter any hardship and trouble in this world. He always remains meticulous in obeying the commands of Allah. He observes the interests of the religion and believers before his own interests and comfort. A person of such morality  abandons his lower-self. For Allah’s approval, he always gives priority to his friends and believers. He does not try to justify his acts seen to be flawed by others. With his moral perfection he always justifies the acts of the other party and takes the mistakes and errors upon himself.

Consequently a person who wants to inspire confidence must primarily “abandon his lower-self.” Without abandoning the love of one’s lower-self, it is impossible for a person to be reliable in the real sense of the word. A person who always sides with his lower-self cannot establish a real friendship, for he would always attempt to fulfill the desires of his own self, and ignore the needs of others

Those who want to enjoy the beauty of real friendship in this world must reconsider what has been related  above and try to attain moral perfection within their light.


2011-05-25 09:52:14
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